My Om is better than your Om

"Is the healing you do physical as well as everything else?"

"the three dimensions, are but one. and that, we are. so most definitely. yet the right answer to that question is however its best received by a specific audience in linear time. ya know what I mean?"

a-sphincter-say-what?!
This is an actual exert from a conversation I had with a friend of mine not too long ago. Now, as a disclaimer, I really like this guy, he's always been very sweet to me, but this was a perfect example of that occasion you try to turn to someone for help and they make you feel so confused and ridiculous that you just back off.

We've all met them right? That guy or gal who thinks they're just so much more zen then you. They look at you with those pitying eyes when you explain you're really enjoying your yoga practice and say something banal like "oh my dear, what you're doing is just an asana practice, true yoga runs so much deeper...".

Don't get me wrong, I know there's a whole lot more to this yoga lark than just a physical practice and I actively work every day to incorporate yoga into all aspects of my life (believe me - it ain't always easy living in LA in 2012, so it's definitely a "practice"). Nonetheless, I try to keep my spiritual and lifestyle opinions to myself unless I am directly asked. Okay okay - that's not strictly true - my ever patient boyfriend and my closest friends do have to put up with me offering my advice whenever I see fit, but that's what they're there for right?! (I'm sure they all gave a big sigh of relief when I finally joined my Teacher Training group and found like-minded yogis who were happy to chat with me all day about doshas and the best asana for a head cold ;)) In general though, I try to honour other people's space and journey, if someone chats to me about it I am really happy to talk and share my personal experiences, suggest books to read, places to visit etc, but I try to respect where they are and what they are looking for, rather than try to push where I believe someone should be.

When I first started yoga I really wasn't looking for anything other than a new style of work out. For me that's all I thought I needed. I was lucky to have a friend that introduced me to yoga and pushed nothing, she was obviously happy, healthy and content and could see that yoga would eventually get me to that stage too, but she did nothing more than suggest I take a class, the rest was up to me. The CorePower Yoga studio suited me perfectly. It looked and felt like a gym - clean, bright and modern - and the teacher didn't try to tell me to "drop into a meditative state", instead he told me to breathe and push it during the core series. The mental and emotional benefits took time for me and I was glad to be able to do this at my own pace. When I approached my friend or one of the teachers about why I felt overwhelmed during half-pigeon they were there to talk to me and help me and they never made me feel anything but secure and safe.

Sadly, that can't be said about everyone I've come across. I've been told on numerous occasions that if I were a true yogi I would be vegan, or that I wouldn't touch alcohol, I've even been told that I couldn't possibly expect to have any sort of spiritual understanding unless I meditate for at least 2-3 hours a day. Well, bugger that! I enjoy cheese pizza and beer far too much and, whilst I'd love to have the time for a regular meditation practice, I also have a full time job and friends, a work-out routine, a puppy and a relationship.

So, here's my advice (whether you asked for it or not :)), you are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you want to know more about yoga then ask someone you trust and love and don't listen to the oh-so-perfect yogis who make you feel like you're at the bottom of the totem pole. More than likely your own yoga practice is actually much clearer and more honest. Think about it this way, if you're really happy with your relationship do you feel the need to shout about it and tell other people how happy you are and how they could possibly achieve such a great boyfriend or girlfriend too? No, more than likely you're so happy you don't have time to preach to others. The same goes for yoga, if you feel someone is judging you for not being as "perfect" as them, just brush it off, they're fighting their own demons. That guy sitting in the lotus position, eyes closed, smiling wryly and shaking his head at your "naive" question about the meaning of Om has much more to deal with than he probably realizes. Walk away and find someone who can really help you.

And to this end, keeping a sense of your own intuition keeps you safe, trust yourself and you will avoid these awkward situations, and importantly those groups or individuals who prey on the open hearts and minds of yogis (unfortunately there are some not so great people out there). Listen to your gut, if something feels off it usually is. And if you're not sure what it's telling you, talk to someone you've trusted for a long time, or someone within a known and respected studio.

Don't ever be made to feel that you're silly for asking a question or that you could never be a "true" yogi because you like to watch Glee and eat a gallon of ice cream on a Tuesday night. Being a yogi is about being the best you that you can possibly be, yoga recognizes any path to an open heart and joyous spirit and it is non-judgmental. Hell, if Robert Downey Jr can be a yogi after all his mischief there's hope for us all!

And if you ever feel hurt or embarrassed by someone's reaction - try to remember this and I guarantee you'll giggle every time.

My path

In the Spring of 2009 I was overweight, unfit, stressed at work and miserable. My friends and I, all feeling the same levels of stress and unhappiness at work, decided to take a "biggest loser" challenge with each other. After a couple of weeks it was pretty obvious I wasn't doing well, I couldn't stick to the diet and I wasn't enjoying the gym.

My dear friend Magda (when you think of the perfect yogini you think of Magda: slim, blonde, radiant, dedicated and always ready with an inspiration quote and kind word - the kind of girl I've always looked up to) suggested I change things up and join her in a yoga class. The idea positively terrified me - what would a girl like me do in a class full of peace-loving, tofu-eating size 0s who can twist themselves into a pretzel?! They would shun me? I'd feel completely out of place! Nonetheless, I gave her my word I would "at least try" and, if nothing else, I'm a woman of my word...

I turned up at the Corepower Boulder South studio armed with my borrowed mat, bottle of water and all my judgments and ... I was completely surprised. The studio definitely had it's share of gorgeous slender women in skimpy bright outfits, but, rather than feeling they were giggling at me, I felt welcomed. Now, don't get me wrong, I've come across plenty of "holier than thou" yoga students in my time, we'll talk about that another time. From the staff behind the front desk, to the girls chatting in the locker room, everyone smiled warmly and continued about their business, they didn't point and laugh, or question why someone like me would be in their sacred space.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the large mirrored studio, sat myself at the back of the room and waited for class to begin. The class was challenging, but broken down in simple terms, and a real workout. I left feeling stretched, sweaty and buzzed. That week I returned 4 times, between you, me and the internet, it didn't hurt that the teacher was super cute!!
Over my next few months I signed up on the monthly plan and took up a regular practice. The weight seemed to drop off me (boy did it need to!), my fitness and flexibility increased and my stress levels dropped. It was hard to deny that this yoga stuff really did work.

Unfortunately, I was relocated with my job down to Dallas and all my good work went out the window. I started well and found a great studio in Uptown that I loved. However, as I started to travel, and the pressure from my boss mounted up, and I started to find excuse after excuse for not practicing. By the end of 2010 things came to a head, my health, relationship and happiness were broken, I had no grounding and no peace and I was, to be frank, turning into a bit of a bitch. I'm a true believer that the universe offers you what you need, and after some pretty major shake ups I sat up and started to listen. Life was screaming at me to make a change, make a change now before I truly lose myself in the daily crap that I was burying myself under.

It was tough but little by little I made some changes. Firstly, I found a new studio in North Dallas and I got back into my practice, slowly but surely I started to feel better about myself and I was able to reassess my priorities and choices. Within a few months an opportunity to move back West to LA arose.

I quit the long hours and low pay and humidity and moved to the city where a Size 2 is considered fat. Now I'd got a few things in check it was time to sort out my lifestyle. That's pretty much where you meet me...

I found Corepower here in LA and picked up a couple of hours a week. It didn't take long to realize that the time spent in the studio was giving me a sense of happiness and confidence that I so desperately needed. Over the next couple of months I really cleaned out my life, I started with the emotional baggage and cut some of the crap and drama out that I'd been clinging too, and in February this year I made the leap into teaching yoga.

My hope is that I can inspire others the way my yoga teachers and practice inspires me on a daily basis, to be the best person I can be, to be happy, healthy and positive.
I'm not your typical "skinny mini" in a bra top and short shorts, but I'm working on it. It's a challenge to get up off the couch to go to the studio, and it's hard not to pick up the phone and order a pizza every night, but it's one that I know is worth it. The way I feel after class, the way my body is changing and my mind and emotions are responding is amazing.

This is my story...