Day 2 … Woah There Grumpy B(r)itches

Feeling ruff

Rough start to day 2 from an emotional level, I felt out of sorts and out of patience as soon as I woke. Didn't help that I didn't sleep well either, although I think that was less to do with cleansing, and more to do with the joys of city living and those sporadic 3am street gatherings.

The wonderful gift of yoga, however, is that I recognize it quickly. It gives me both insight to notice when I’m not myself, and the means to realign and re-centre should I chose. And folks, choice is important, it’s totally possible to be a yogini and decide to avoid your inner voice and fight regardless. I wish I could say I handle every situation with peace and grace, but the truth is sometimes I let myself (and my fiery Pitta) boil over. 

More often than not, those are the times that you inadvertently hurt someone you care about, whether it’s a friend or family member you snap at for no reason, or those big puppy dog eyes you get when you shout at the barking instead of tending to their needs.

So what do you do when you boil over?   Simple:

Firstly, take a moment to be silent, whether it’s quiet meditation, a yoga class, or a long walk, take the time to be by yourself and listen.

This morning I sat for just 10 minutes in meditation and the effect was palpable. Just being able to listen to, accept and, in this case, giggle at the ridiculous response having to my morning calmed me down and removed the aches and pains I was feeling in my upper back and hips (of course my root and heart chakras were over active with those emotions).

And never be afraid to keep to yourself. Being mindful doesn't mean that you have to always be bright and breezy, you can be having a s*** day too, just be mindful of it and don’t project it onto those around you. The more you practice that, practice removing yourself from situations that are likely to increase your anxiety or anger, the calmer and happier you become. Just as the more you work-out and practice improving your cardiovascular system, the stronger it becomes in every-day life.

Secondly, apologize. If you snapped at someone, go make it better.  Just do it. Don’t over-think it, don’t lead with ‘ifs’, ‘ands’ and ‘buts’ – just go say, “I’m sorry, that was wrong of me”. Remember you don’t necessarily have to explain why, but you are responsible for putting things right. And when you apologize, mean it, if you’re not calm and ready yet, wait.

To that point – if you’re reading this as a friend, family member or lover of a feisty off-balance yogi today – give them room, let them breathe, they will come to you when they’re ready and it will mean much more to you and to them when it’s not forced.

So, asides my noticeable tetchiness, things are already much easier today. My hunger pangs are further and further apart and I feel … how do I describe it … well : cleaner. The effects of putting good things into my body, and using food as medicine, whether real or imagined, have a very real impact on my general feeling of well-being. I’m already encouraged to work through the tough-spells and keep up with some of the less pleasant sides of the cleanse (FYI I’m really not looking forward to Saturday’s colon cleanse and I’m racking my brain for excuses as to why I simply can’t drink a bucket of luke warm salt-water)

I feel like I’m at that pivotal spot, easy to quit because I feel better and the idea of a juice-cleanse doesn't thrill me, but long-sighted enough to know I just have to ignore my grumbles and get through this for the benefits in the long run.

Special thank you Ms Spears for the motivational tune of my day , because sometimes, when it’s tough, you just have to put your head down and Work B****!

Not to mention it makes me giggle every time I hear her terrible Nicki Minaj-esque fake British accent, it may surprise no one that we don’t all say “gov’nor”. Bless you Brit, bless you.

The two year itch...

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. - Lao Tzu 

Since I was 18 I've not stayed in one spot longer than 2 years. I've lived in the North of England, the South of England, Colorado, Texas and California in under 10 years and last month I took the plunge again and drove across country to set up shop in New York City.

As I've found with everything, moving is challenging, stressful, emotional and the doorway to some of the most amazing adventures I've had.

Having moved so often has created a strange dichotomy; on the one hand I haven't laid any roots since I lived with my parents which leaves me feeling a little detached and vulnerable, on the other I've met more amazing, unique people than otherwise possible and have build strong, lasting relationships across two continents.

As I packed up my Honda Civic and prepared to tackle the 4 day trek with my dear friend Jason (just one of the many shining stars I met in Dallas), I came to realize that "home" truly is exactly what you make it. Everything I need, everything that keeps me laughing, sane, grounded and balanced can fit into 13 cu. ft.

Home, for me, is a safe environment full of hugs and puppy kisses. It's the space I can return to where I feel myself again. I can recharge my batteries and rest.

Moving, like letting go of anything, comes with a cost. The physical loss of seeing friends, teaching classes, enjoying the CA sun is hard. The simple truth is, everything worthwhile comes at a cost. "Letting go" opens up space for development, growth and experience. And, as the old saying goes, "the more things change, the more they stay the same". I have come to notice that as I physically move and build new routines and social circles, I become more acutely aware of the friends who remain with me - regardless of time zones, distance, time apart - they are my rocks, always available at the end of the phone, always ready to comfort me when I am lonely and celebrate my success.

Letting go is different for all of us. It comes at different times but it is always one of the hardest things we can do. Whether it is a home, a job, a friendship, a lost love or a perceived sense of self we have been clinging to; releasing our grip allows us the space to breath ... the exhale that teaches us, reassuringly, that the next inhale always comes. There will always be something greater on the other side when we truly let go. There will always be constants, our buoys in the choppy sea, keeping us afloat and guiding us to our next adventure.

Take some alone time

Ever since I started yoga I've felt "naughty" for not having a regular meditation practice. I felt guilty for not sitting in a dark room chanting every morning.
The more I read, the more I realise how important meditation is, but also how many different ways there are to meditate. Meditation gives us time to reflect, it can be a little scary being completely honest but without that there's no way to unravel all the nonesense and to truly hear out intuition over all the noise of modern life.

Here are some of my favourite ways to find a little solitude and self-reflection:

• Go for a drive: perfect for everyday (no need to worry about a little rain) don't see the backup on the 405 as a reason to stress, take a deep breath, put on some calming tunes and quiet your mind... Just don't drift off too much, I don't want to see your insurance bill
• Go for a walk: there's nothing better for me than 30 mins a day with my pups and the open air. The more regularly I go, the more I resist the temptation to call and chat with friends, the better I feel by the end of it.
• Take a bath: warm bubbles, candles - who says you need someone else to be romantic, take time to learn to love yourself, it will shine from every pore and you'll smell pretty great too
• Workout: use your swim, run, weights or asana practice as a moving meditation. Make sure, however you work up a sweat, that you take at least 5 mins after to sit or lie quietly and tune out. We all know working out oxygenates the blood and releases endorphins, what better way to self-reflect than when you're feeling alive and awesome?!
• Take a meditation class: most yoga studios offer groups or classes, if you can't find one that works check out the sessions on yogaglo.com and let someone guide you to your zen space.
• Go to bed 30 mins earlier and turn off the voices: I can lie awake for hours running over things that happened throughout the day, things I wish I'd done in the past or my dreams for the future - it's engaging and entertaining but it's also exhausting and unreal. There's a time for daydreaming and there's a time for quiet. Take your pre-sleep time and just be quiet, focus on your breathe and be present, you can't change anything that went before and you can't see what's coming next so stop worrying about it and let your ego go for a while. Not only will you drift off into a better sleep, but you'll find you slowly bring the ability to breathe and be present into your waking hours too.

Now go and get your om on! Namaste

Credit where credit's due

Ever feel like we're all way too hard on ourselves? I do. I think it's high time we take a little break from trying to live up to impossible expectations and acknowledge just how fabulous we all are.

I know there are some really amazing people out there, those heroes who stand out from the crowd - soldiers, firemen, doctors, policemen to name just a few, and I give them full credit, respect and love for everything they do for us. However, there's a little something amazing in every one of us and it's important from time to time to give credit where credit's due and it's okay to feel good about the love you bring into the world.

Take some time today to sit back and recognize all the great things you've done, all the times you've made someone else smile.

Struggling for ideas? Well, firstly, stop being that person - there are enough people in the world who are going to put you down or hold you back, you need to be your own biggest fan, start right now! Take a breath and look around you. Is there a little puppy or kitten looking up at you with big thankful eyes because you saved their life when you adopted them and gave them a loving home? Did you take an extra minute on your last shopping trip to offer a smile, a kind word or some food for the homeless guy that so many people just blanked and walked straight past? Perhaps you donated some money or time to your favourite charity, that is right now working miracles for those in need. Maybe you took an extra minute, even though you were exhausted, to read that extra bedtime story to your little one.

Are you starting to see my point?

There are so many ways in which your love and light change the world, be thankful that you have the opportunity to spread happiness, and recognize how much you do to make others happy. You're amazing! Now go celebrate and treat yourself big today.

My path

In the Spring of 2009 I was overweight, unfit, stressed at work and miserable. My friends and I, all feeling the same levels of stress and unhappiness at work, decided to take a "biggest loser" challenge with each other. After a couple of weeks it was pretty obvious I wasn't doing well, I couldn't stick to the diet and I wasn't enjoying the gym.

My dear friend Magda (when you think of the perfect yogini you think of Magda: slim, blonde, radiant, dedicated and always ready with an inspiration quote and kind word - the kind of girl I've always looked up to) suggested I change things up and join her in a yoga class. The idea positively terrified me - what would a girl like me do in a class full of peace-loving, tofu-eating size 0s who can twist themselves into a pretzel?! They would shun me? I'd feel completely out of place! Nonetheless, I gave her my word I would "at least try" and, if nothing else, I'm a woman of my word...

I turned up at the Corepower Boulder South studio armed with my borrowed mat, bottle of water and all my judgments and ... I was completely surprised. The studio definitely had it's share of gorgeous slender women in skimpy bright outfits, but, rather than feeling they were giggling at me, I felt welcomed. Now, don't get me wrong, I've come across plenty of "holier than thou" yoga students in my time, we'll talk about that another time. From the staff behind the front desk, to the girls chatting in the locker room, everyone smiled warmly and continued about their business, they didn't point and laugh, or question why someone like me would be in their sacred space.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the large mirrored studio, sat myself at the back of the room and waited for class to begin. The class was challenging, but broken down in simple terms, and a real workout. I left feeling stretched, sweaty and buzzed. That week I returned 4 times, between you, me and the internet, it didn't hurt that the teacher was super cute!!
Over my next few months I signed up on the monthly plan and took up a regular practice. The weight seemed to drop off me (boy did it need to!), my fitness and flexibility increased and my stress levels dropped. It was hard to deny that this yoga stuff really did work.

Unfortunately, I was relocated with my job down to Dallas and all my good work went out the window. I started well and found a great studio in Uptown that I loved. However, as I started to travel, and the pressure from my boss mounted up, and I started to find excuse after excuse for not practicing. By the end of 2010 things came to a head, my health, relationship and happiness were broken, I had no grounding and no peace and I was, to be frank, turning into a bit of a bitch. I'm a true believer that the universe offers you what you need, and after some pretty major shake ups I sat up and started to listen. Life was screaming at me to make a change, make a change now before I truly lose myself in the daily crap that I was burying myself under.

It was tough but little by little I made some changes. Firstly, I found a new studio in North Dallas and I got back into my practice, slowly but surely I started to feel better about myself and I was able to reassess my priorities and choices. Within a few months an opportunity to move back West to LA arose.

I quit the long hours and low pay and humidity and moved to the city where a Size 2 is considered fat. Now I'd got a few things in check it was time to sort out my lifestyle. That's pretty much where you meet me...

I found Corepower here in LA and picked up a couple of hours a week. It didn't take long to realize that the time spent in the studio was giving me a sense of happiness and confidence that I so desperately needed. Over the next couple of months I really cleaned out my life, I started with the emotional baggage and cut some of the crap and drama out that I'd been clinging too, and in February this year I made the leap into teaching yoga.

My hope is that I can inspire others the way my yoga teachers and practice inspires me on a daily basis, to be the best person I can be, to be happy, healthy and positive.
I'm not your typical "skinny mini" in a bra top and short shorts, but I'm working on it. It's a challenge to get up off the couch to go to the studio, and it's hard not to pick up the phone and order a pizza every night, but it's one that I know is worth it. The way I feel after class, the way my body is changing and my mind and emotions are responding is amazing.

This is my story...