Crowing From The Roof Tops

This year I vow to master The Crow

Um ....

This year I vow to master Crow pose

You’ll often hear yoga teachers introduce Bakasana (crow pose) as the “beginners” or “easy” inversion. For many reasons they’re not wrong: your body mass remains close to the ground lowering your centre of gravity, you progress in small stages with one toe at a time,  well, because Iyengar listed it as an easier posture (and that guy knows his sh*t!). For as many reasons, and more, crow pose is neither a beginning nor an easy posture and it is terrifying, and often times disheartening, for many students (including myself) to be told so.

When I started my first yoga teacher training I was by far the physically weakest, heaviest, least flexible and least practiced / seasoned of the group. Those things played heavy on my heart, I felt less than adequate and constantly told myself I would never manage certain postures no matter how hard I tried. The fun of partner yoga for one was on my list of “looks amazing but not for me” items, most arm balances and inversions went into the “yeah yeah I get what you’re saying but I’m not built that way” category and even chataranga fell into the box marked “sure, when I've started weight training”

I learnt to teach Crow as part of a Level 1 sequence, we encourage students to play and have fun with the feeling of being upside down and being on their hands, even if they are brand new to the practice. I really love that attitude of just giving it a go, and, if positioned properly it allows new yogis to feel like they’re not stuck on the D-team, just craving the day they are ‘good enough’ to move up a level. For me, it was empowering as a teacher, from an early stage to be given the tools to teach a posture I could not yet demonstrate – learning to rely on my words and encouragement to see student after student succeed. It was also empowering for my students to see a teacher fall and smile and keep trying week after week.

For my part I have never not tried, however, I do recognize my inner voice still screaming “okay have a go, but it’s not going to happen”. Physically I have changed; I’m more open, stronger and steadier. I have learnt to enjoy the challenges of new postures and look forward to practicing headstands, handstands, hurdlers, side crow and more, comfortable in the knowledge that I have so far to go. So I know my body is ready for Crow, but my mind has not been (a true testament to the power of positive – or in this case negative – thinking).

So here is my pledge – this year I am going to master crow. Who knows if my crow pose will look perfect, frankly, who cares! I will keep practicing until I no longer fear it. That is my commitment

And if, like me, you struggle with your “beginners” inversion – remember:

1. You can do anything you put your mind to
2. Crow teaches you the basics of core control, how to breathe upside down and how to face the fear of face-planting – but it does not have to be your first inversion, if you’re in a rut, try something else
3. No-one but you cares if you can do Crow or not, you get all the benefits of the arm work in plank pose and all the benefits of an inversion in any forward fold so do what you want to do, not what you think is expected
4. Come back. Let go for a while, play around elsewhere, and come back.

I’ll start a photo log of my progress so you can giggle along … heck maybe I’ll make it a video log  - would love to see you flying high too.

Climb climb climb

I read a beautiful article today in which Baron Baptiste describes yoga on and off the mat as ascending a peak with multiple pitches. What a perfect visual.

Successful climbers don't just wake up and start walking up a hill, they plan and prepare.

(1) Pick your peak: What is your goal? What are you trying to achieve?

(2) Plan: There's balance in there. Too much planning and you can get caught up in details and stuck on this idea of perfection ... not enough and you go in blind. Allow yourself time to figure out what it is you want, what you're aiming for, what you're willing to do and, importantly, what you are willing to give up to achieve your goals. And then relax, be prepared to be flexible and open-minded both on the journey and to the outcome.

(3) Check your gear: know yourself. Know what makes you tick, what makes you vulnerable, what your strengths are. On the mat it is always crucial to know where you may be strong, where flexible, where weak and where inflexible, only when you know that can you safely approach each posture without risk of injury. Off the mat this is equally critical - knowing your limits so that you can skirt them, press them, challenge them without throwing yourself so far over them that you feel defeated and broken.

(4) Train: Everything is a practice, keep at it, keep trying and learn from each push

And as Baptiste says: Precision is different to Perfectionism.

When you work with precision on the mat, you will feel empowered to make positive changes in your life too. "With a mindful, conscious practice, you can connect with your personal power, your ability to change your life."
Perfectionism is rife with self-criticism and judgement. Begin to cast judgement on your pose, your practice, or yourself as 'right' or 'wrong', and the ledge you're on can expand into a never ending plateau of self-doubt.

(5) Find a guide: It's an innately human floor to be too afraid / proud / shy to ask for help. Whatever your reason - get over yourself - we all need help, we all need a guide. Whether it's a teacher(s) you love for your yoga practice or someone you can bounce ideas off and confide in, make sure you have someone to support you and nurture you. Pick your guide carefully, they must have your best interests at heart and you must trust them completely, the type of person who knows that they will grow just in the process of assisting you in being your absolute best and most successful.

(6) Start climbing: We often spend so long planning, preparing, fretting and wondering about the what ifs that we forget to get going. You're not going to get anywhere if you don't start somewhere.

(7) Keep checking in: Every step of the way. You are not static. With each challenge, each posture, each goal you start to strengthen and open certain areas of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. As certain areas grow you begin to expose new areas, which, it goes without saying, will start weaker. Be gentle with the new space. Check back with yourself - what now makes me tick, what now makes me vulnerable, what now are my strengths. Constant self-observation and self-reflection keeps us strong, motivated, honest and empowered.

(8) Trust your foundation: What is it that holds you up. Learn to trust the people, community, practices that hold you steady so that you can reach up for the next uncertain footing.

(9) Forget the peak and enjoy the scenery: Don't forget to breathe and look around you. The goal is great, the peak is the triumph, but it's a long journey and you can approach it 2 ways. You can miserably push yourself ever forward, head down, eyes on the prize. Or, you can choose to enjoy every step, every slip-up, every moment of success and failure, learning and growing always.

Don't aim to make it in one text-book journey to your goal - aim to make it a fun, full, heart-filled experience.

Take it off the mat

Before moving to NYC I worked with an amazing dog trainer in LA for a little over a year. When I first called him I was at the end of my leash (pun intended!); I'd tried a number of techniques, a number of trainers all with no success. My pups are both young, boisterous boys, and they were beginning to show some pretty strong signs of aggression.

When I first called Matt, he was my last hope, I felt like I was a danger to my dogs; that in all likelihood, if things kept going the way they were, I would end up with either a legal battle after a bite, or worse, losing my young pup, Maverick.  On that very first phone call with The Zen Dog I was calmly told "you'll learn more about yourself in this process then you will about your dogs, this is a change you have to make".

If you're in LA you can find the amazing support of Matt and Brooklin and their fabulous team at The Zen Dog

A light bulb immediately went off. All these years of yoga practice, and several months of teacher training down, and I still figured that I could force a change in other creatures; that the problem was completely out of my control and the fault of my "aggressive" dogs. To be told so bluntly - it's not them it's you - was empowering. Suddenly I didn't have ill-behaved dogs that needed discipline, rather I was allowing the behaviour to continue and I needed to become Alpha. I didn't have to rely on tricks and treats and squirt guns to regain control (all tried with incredibly short-term success given how quick my smart boys worked out what was going on), rather I had to be confident in myself, find my strength and remain calm and composed.

The key to success: hard work, dedication and trusting the journey ... all the things I had been telling my students to do on their mat and yet I had trouble finding off the mat.

There were so many times I would feel defeated. That the task at hand was too much, too overwhelming to do alone. Luckily I had my gurus at the end of the phone to remind me how far I had already come, how well the pups were responding and how happy and calm they were becoming in the process.

So many moments stand out for me, moments when I lost my calm and the explosion of barking and growling that would follow, moments when I was stressed or emotional in the morning and I would come home to a torn up apartment and a very sorry looking boy in the corner, and moments when I remembered what was needed, I took my time and did my best and both pups responded in kind, by calming down and doing their best to follow their Alpha.

It is a work in progress, I still work daily on Maverick's leash aggression toward other dogs, and on Socks' incessant barking, but I have learnt so much and we have come so far as a mini pack. From having two dogs who couldn't really stand each other, and a young pup who attacked any person or dog who came near me or him, to having two healthy brothers - rough-housing but knowing when to stop, eager to play and well behaved in the off-leash parks, protective in the home but welcoming to all human guests when they see I invite them in.

I found strength in myself - the ability to be strong, be tough but not harsh or mean

I found calmness and patience - the ability to take a breath and pause, allowing my initially reaction to become a positive action

I found balance - to have time to curl up in a ball of fluff for snuggles, but to keep a healthy detachment at the dog park so the boys could be dogs, properly, and figure themselves out

Most of all, and something I never realized I was lacking, I found trust. Trust in my dogs, that they are happy and want this to work as much as I do. Trust in the process, I learnt that being committed to the journey was far more important than being attached to the outcome. Trust in myself, I learnt that I am strong enough and my best is good enough.
It was a break-through for me, to truly believe that sometimes you have to just close your eyes and trust - know that it will be a long journey, but it is worth it, and as I go I am constantly progressing and improving.

“There’s no value in digging shallow wells in a hundred places. Decide on one place and dig deep. Even if you encounter a rock, use dynamite and keep going down. If you leave that to dig another well, all the first effort is wasted and there is no proof you won’t hit rock again. (52)” ― Swami Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras

Or put another way:

The two year itch...

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. - Lao Tzu 

Since I was 18 I've not stayed in one spot longer than 2 years. I've lived in the North of England, the South of England, Colorado, Texas and California in under 10 years and last month I took the plunge again and drove across country to set up shop in New York City.

As I've found with everything, moving is challenging, stressful, emotional and the doorway to some of the most amazing adventures I've had.

Having moved so often has created a strange dichotomy; on the one hand I haven't laid any roots since I lived with my parents which leaves me feeling a little detached and vulnerable, on the other I've met more amazing, unique people than otherwise possible and have build strong, lasting relationships across two continents.

As I packed up my Honda Civic and prepared to tackle the 4 day trek with my dear friend Jason (just one of the many shining stars I met in Dallas), I came to realize that "home" truly is exactly what you make it. Everything I need, everything that keeps me laughing, sane, grounded and balanced can fit into 13 cu. ft.

Home, for me, is a safe environment full of hugs and puppy kisses. It's the space I can return to where I feel myself again. I can recharge my batteries and rest.

Moving, like letting go of anything, comes with a cost. The physical loss of seeing friends, teaching classes, enjoying the CA sun is hard. The simple truth is, everything worthwhile comes at a cost. "Letting go" opens up space for development, growth and experience. And, as the old saying goes, "the more things change, the more they stay the same". I have come to notice that as I physically move and build new routines and social circles, I become more acutely aware of the friends who remain with me - regardless of time zones, distance, time apart - they are my rocks, always available at the end of the phone, always ready to comfort me when I am lonely and celebrate my success.

Letting go is different for all of us. It comes at different times but it is always one of the hardest things we can do. Whether it is a home, a job, a friendship, a lost love or a perceived sense of self we have been clinging to; releasing our grip allows us the space to breath ... the exhale that teaches us, reassuringly, that the next inhale always comes. There will always be something greater on the other side when we truly let go. There will always be constants, our buoys in the choppy sea, keeping us afloat and guiding us to our next adventure.

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself"... at least so they say.

 Recently I've been talking to my students a lot about facing our fears, believing in ourselves and striving for success. It raised a question in my mind - why do we fear? or more accurately what do we fear? What changes as we grow and age that takes our natural positive energy and 'can do' attitude and turns us into pessimistic, fearful, introverts?

The answer is obvious right? Failure. We learn over the years the pain of failure, so we fear that feeling and begin to back off. But the more I dig into this in my life, I don't believe that is the case. The fear of failure is very easy to rationalize, we can safely say we will not try something because of all the things that could go wrong, all the things that may have gone wrong in the past, or we have seen others go through, however, there is a deeper desire in all of us that would quickly overcome that fear if that really was the root of our hesitation.

I believe the answer is a much harder one for us to face, it is an answer that raises so many other questions and commentary on our true selves that we shy away from it. We are not scared of failure, rather, we are scared of success.

Bare with me, I know you're thinking that that's just plain crazy, how could you be scared of getting exactly what you're looking for.... but this is where the questions start to crop up.

How do we know what we are truly looking for? What if we've got it wrong?
Over the years we have experienced our changing desires and dreams. What if this latest goal changes next week? What if we put so much work into something and then find that we change our minds again? As humans we are fickle, there are so many options open to us, so many distractions in our daily lives, it's hard to listen to our deepest desires and really know if they are ours. 
Underneath all the noise though, there is a quite knowledge that something is right. It may well change in the future, and that's okay, but right now, in this moment, it is the right thing for us, and we should strive toward that.

What happens when we reach our goal? What is left? Do we just stop? What if the success we have dreamed of isn't all it's cracked up to be?
I call this Boxing Day Syndrome and it is the one that rings most true to me. Boxing Day (the day after Christmas for my American lovelies not aware of our bizarre British naming conventions) has reportedly been named "the most boring day of the year". Remember the month of December as a child? All that expectation. Every day opening up your advent calendar (is that yet another British tradition?) and knowing that Santa is 1 day closer. Then it's here, the presents, the cartoons on the telly and too many sweets to even talk about, it is the best of best days. And the next day .... it's all done. BDS sets in. The idea of waiting another 364 days for that joy again is almost crippling. Boxing Day sucks.
Achieving our goals can feel so much like that.
I dreamt for years of moving overseas, my destination changed many times (sometimes depending on what movie I'd just seen, sometimes depending on who I had the latest crush on), but at my core I knew I wanted to travel. When I moved to the US in 2007 I hit a wall. I'd done it. But it didn't feel great. I felt homesick, work was hard and I didn't really know what I was working toward any more, what was the point? I felt like I was just ticking down the hours, paying the bills and I didn't know what was left to do.

What if we're successful and others are not?
That dirty feeling is hard to shift, especially when you are looking at people you love, your friends, your family. The hard truth is, you are not responsible for them. As much as we like to believe, as our ego tells us, that we are the central point in everyone else's life, that everyone revolves around us, we are only responsible for ourselves and our own journey. Others will take what they want in terms of inspiration, jealousy, support, but we do not control that.

What if our success takes us out of our current comfort zone? Who do we leave behind? What is waiting for us behind the door of success?
Success, by it's very nature, means we have to leave something behind. We transition, we grow, we learn and in that process we move on, if we're lucky the people we love most dearly grow with us and walk alongside us, but more often then not we have to leave people behind. It's terrifying. Letting go of what we know, walking into the dark...
This can only be answered with another question - if you were happy in your current space, would you even be looking, thinking, dreaming of anything else?

Take the leap.

The truth is, all these fears are real, rational, and can and probably will aspire to some degree, but the deeper truth is, that success doesn't mean we've reached the end of our journey. There really is no end, there is always another goal, another rung on the ladder that we're climbing. 

Life doesn't end when you achieve your goals, it just gets a little better and you strive to make it better still.

Just as in our asana practice, we continually strive to make each posture more complete, there is always somewhere else to go. There is always a muscle to engage, a bone to align, a breath to deepen. The same is true in life. You can strive to find the perfect relationship, land your perfect partner and still strive to make that relationship stronger, happier and more complete every day. You can find the job of your dreams and still work every day to do your best and shine in your role.

For me personally, I found yoga. Yoga taught me that my move to the US was just a chapter in my book. Once I realized that I found new passions, I found new hobbies and most importantly new goals. I've moved around physically and emotionally a lot, now I seek stability; I've moved around the corporate world, now I start my journey into the healing arts and I have found a burning desire to, and with it a knack at, bringing this to others. Now I have re-discovered that feeling that my life has only just begun, that I have so much to experience, to learn and to try, I feel more clueless today then ever and it's the greatest feeling, to approach life in the knowledge that you really know nothing but it's all there for the taking.

Let go of the goals and start to enjoy the journey, remembering we are only truly alive when we are moving, learning, growing.

It is okay to be successful, let go of the ego that tells you "no", push to be the absolute best that you possibly can be, the perfect expression of you, and enjoy the feeling when you achieve that. Live for those moments, when you scale a peak and look down at how far you've come and celebrate; let your success shine, let your heart fill with joy, and be an inspiration to everyone you meet. Then, take a deep breath, steady yourself, and look up, for there are far more peaks to climb.

Take some alone time

Ever since I started yoga I've felt "naughty" for not having a regular meditation practice. I felt guilty for not sitting in a dark room chanting every morning.
The more I read, the more I realise how important meditation is, but also how many different ways there are to meditate. Meditation gives us time to reflect, it can be a little scary being completely honest but without that there's no way to unravel all the nonesense and to truly hear out intuition over all the noise of modern life.

Here are some of my favourite ways to find a little solitude and self-reflection:

• Go for a drive: perfect for everyday (no need to worry about a little rain) don't see the backup on the 405 as a reason to stress, take a deep breath, put on some calming tunes and quiet your mind... Just don't drift off too much, I don't want to see your insurance bill
• Go for a walk: there's nothing better for me than 30 mins a day with my pups and the open air. The more regularly I go, the more I resist the temptation to call and chat with friends, the better I feel by the end of it.
• Take a bath: warm bubbles, candles - who says you need someone else to be romantic, take time to learn to love yourself, it will shine from every pore and you'll smell pretty great too
• Workout: use your swim, run, weights or asana practice as a moving meditation. Make sure, however you work up a sweat, that you take at least 5 mins after to sit or lie quietly and tune out. We all know working out oxygenates the blood and releases endorphins, what better way to self-reflect than when you're feeling alive and awesome?!
• Take a meditation class: most yoga studios offer groups or classes, if you can't find one that works check out the sessions on yogaglo.com and let someone guide you to your zen space.
• Go to bed 30 mins earlier and turn off the voices: I can lie awake for hours running over things that happened throughout the day, things I wish I'd done in the past or my dreams for the future - it's engaging and entertaining but it's also exhausting and unreal. There's a time for daydreaming and there's a time for quiet. Take your pre-sleep time and just be quiet, focus on your breathe and be present, you can't change anything that went before and you can't see what's coming next so stop worrying about it and let your ego go for a while. Not only will you drift off into a better sleep, but you'll find you slowly bring the ability to breathe and be present into your waking hours too.

Now go and get your om on! Namaste

Credit where credit's due

Ever feel like we're all way too hard on ourselves? I do. I think it's high time we take a little break from trying to live up to impossible expectations and acknowledge just how fabulous we all are.

I know there are some really amazing people out there, those heroes who stand out from the crowd - soldiers, firemen, doctors, policemen to name just a few, and I give them full credit, respect and love for everything they do for us. However, there's a little something amazing in every one of us and it's important from time to time to give credit where credit's due and it's okay to feel good about the love you bring into the world.

Take some time today to sit back and recognize all the great things you've done, all the times you've made someone else smile.

Struggling for ideas? Well, firstly, stop being that person - there are enough people in the world who are going to put you down or hold you back, you need to be your own biggest fan, start right now! Take a breath and look around you. Is there a little puppy or kitten looking up at you with big thankful eyes because you saved their life when you adopted them and gave them a loving home? Did you take an extra minute on your last shopping trip to offer a smile, a kind word or some food for the homeless guy that so many people just blanked and walked straight past? Perhaps you donated some money or time to your favourite charity, that is right now working miracles for those in need. Maybe you took an extra minute, even though you were exhausted, to read that extra bedtime story to your little one.

Are you starting to see my point?

There are so many ways in which your love and light change the world, be thankful that you have the opportunity to spread happiness, and recognize how much you do to make others happy. You're amazing! Now go celebrate and treat yourself big today.

My Om is better than your Om

"Is the healing you do physical as well as everything else?"

"the three dimensions, are but one. and that, we are. so most definitely. yet the right answer to that question is however its best received by a specific audience in linear time. ya know what I mean?"

a-sphincter-say-what?!
This is an actual exert from a conversation I had with a friend of mine not too long ago. Now, as a disclaimer, I really like this guy, he's always been very sweet to me, but this was a perfect example of that occasion you try to turn to someone for help and they make you feel so confused and ridiculous that you just back off.

We've all met them right? That guy or gal who thinks they're just so much more zen then you. They look at you with those pitying eyes when you explain you're really enjoying your yoga practice and say something banal like "oh my dear, what you're doing is just an asana practice, true yoga runs so much deeper...".

Don't get me wrong, I know there's a whole lot more to this yoga lark than just a physical practice and I actively work every day to incorporate yoga into all aspects of my life (believe me - it ain't always easy living in LA in 2012, so it's definitely a "practice"). Nonetheless, I try to keep my spiritual and lifestyle opinions to myself unless I am directly asked. Okay okay - that's not strictly true - my ever patient boyfriend and my closest friends do have to put up with me offering my advice whenever I see fit, but that's what they're there for right?! (I'm sure they all gave a big sigh of relief when I finally joined my Teacher Training group and found like-minded yogis who were happy to chat with me all day about doshas and the best asana for a head cold ;)) In general though, I try to honour other people's space and journey, if someone chats to me about it I am really happy to talk and share my personal experiences, suggest books to read, places to visit etc, but I try to respect where they are and what they are looking for, rather than try to push where I believe someone should be.

When I first started yoga I really wasn't looking for anything other than a new style of work out. For me that's all I thought I needed. I was lucky to have a friend that introduced me to yoga and pushed nothing, she was obviously happy, healthy and content and could see that yoga would eventually get me to that stage too, but she did nothing more than suggest I take a class, the rest was up to me. The CorePower Yoga studio suited me perfectly. It looked and felt like a gym - clean, bright and modern - and the teacher didn't try to tell me to "drop into a meditative state", instead he told me to breathe and push it during the core series. The mental and emotional benefits took time for me and I was glad to be able to do this at my own pace. When I approached my friend or one of the teachers about why I felt overwhelmed during half-pigeon they were there to talk to me and help me and they never made me feel anything but secure and safe.

Sadly, that can't be said about everyone I've come across. I've been told on numerous occasions that if I were a true yogi I would be vegan, or that I wouldn't touch alcohol, I've even been told that I couldn't possibly expect to have any sort of spiritual understanding unless I meditate for at least 2-3 hours a day. Well, bugger that! I enjoy cheese pizza and beer far too much and, whilst I'd love to have the time for a regular meditation practice, I also have a full time job and friends, a work-out routine, a puppy and a relationship.

So, here's my advice (whether you asked for it or not :)), you are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you want to know more about yoga then ask someone you trust and love and don't listen to the oh-so-perfect yogis who make you feel like you're at the bottom of the totem pole. More than likely your own yoga practice is actually much clearer and more honest. Think about it this way, if you're really happy with your relationship do you feel the need to shout about it and tell other people how happy you are and how they could possibly achieve such a great boyfriend or girlfriend too? No, more than likely you're so happy you don't have time to preach to others. The same goes for yoga, if you feel someone is judging you for not being as "perfect" as them, just brush it off, they're fighting their own demons. That guy sitting in the lotus position, eyes closed, smiling wryly and shaking his head at your "naive" question about the meaning of Om has much more to deal with than he probably realizes. Walk away and find someone who can really help you.

And to this end, keeping a sense of your own intuition keeps you safe, trust yourself and you will avoid these awkward situations, and importantly those groups or individuals who prey on the open hearts and minds of yogis (unfortunately there are some not so great people out there). Listen to your gut, if something feels off it usually is. And if you're not sure what it's telling you, talk to someone you've trusted for a long time, or someone within a known and respected studio.

Don't ever be made to feel that you're silly for asking a question or that you could never be a "true" yogi because you like to watch Glee and eat a gallon of ice cream on a Tuesday night. Being a yogi is about being the best you that you can possibly be, yoga recognizes any path to an open heart and joyous spirit and it is non-judgmental. Hell, if Robert Downey Jr can be a yogi after all his mischief there's hope for us all!

And if you ever feel hurt or embarrassed by someone's reaction - try to remember this and I guarantee you'll giggle every time.