Day 2 … Woah There Grumpy B(r)itches

Feeling ruff

Rough start to day 2 from an emotional level, I felt out of sorts and out of patience as soon as I woke. Didn't help that I didn't sleep well either, although I think that was less to do with cleansing, and more to do with the joys of city living and those sporadic 3am street gatherings.

The wonderful gift of yoga, however, is that I recognize it quickly. It gives me both insight to notice when I’m not myself, and the means to realign and re-centre should I chose. And folks, choice is important, it’s totally possible to be a yogini and decide to avoid your inner voice and fight regardless. I wish I could say I handle every situation with peace and grace, but the truth is sometimes I let myself (and my fiery Pitta) boil over. 

More often than not, those are the times that you inadvertently hurt someone you care about, whether it’s a friend or family member you snap at for no reason, or those big puppy dog eyes you get when you shout at the barking instead of tending to their needs.

So what do you do when you boil over?   Simple:

Firstly, take a moment to be silent, whether it’s quiet meditation, a yoga class, or a long walk, take the time to be by yourself and listen.

This morning I sat for just 10 minutes in meditation and the effect was palpable. Just being able to listen to, accept and, in this case, giggle at the ridiculous response having to my morning calmed me down and removed the aches and pains I was feeling in my upper back and hips (of course my root and heart chakras were over active with those emotions).

And never be afraid to keep to yourself. Being mindful doesn't mean that you have to always be bright and breezy, you can be having a s*** day too, just be mindful of it and don’t project it onto those around you. The more you practice that, practice removing yourself from situations that are likely to increase your anxiety or anger, the calmer and happier you become. Just as the more you work-out and practice improving your cardiovascular system, the stronger it becomes in every-day life.

Secondly, apologize. If you snapped at someone, go make it better.  Just do it. Don’t over-think it, don’t lead with ‘ifs’, ‘ands’ and ‘buts’ – just go say, “I’m sorry, that was wrong of me”. Remember you don’t necessarily have to explain why, but you are responsible for putting things right. And when you apologize, mean it, if you’re not calm and ready yet, wait.

To that point – if you’re reading this as a friend, family member or lover of a feisty off-balance yogi today – give them room, let them breathe, they will come to you when they’re ready and it will mean much more to you and to them when it’s not forced.

So, asides my noticeable tetchiness, things are already much easier today. My hunger pangs are further and further apart and I feel … how do I describe it … well : cleaner. The effects of putting good things into my body, and using food as medicine, whether real or imagined, have a very real impact on my general feeling of well-being. I’m already encouraged to work through the tough-spells and keep up with some of the less pleasant sides of the cleanse (FYI I’m really not looking forward to Saturday’s colon cleanse and I’m racking my brain for excuses as to why I simply can’t drink a bucket of luke warm salt-water)

I feel like I’m at that pivotal spot, easy to quit because I feel better and the idea of a juice-cleanse doesn't thrill me, but long-sighted enough to know I just have to ignore my grumbles and get through this for the benefits in the long run.

Special thank you Ms Spears for the motivational tune of my day , because sometimes, when it’s tough, you just have to put your head down and Work B****!

Not to mention it makes me giggle every time I hear her terrible Nicki Minaj-esque fake British accent, it may surprise no one that we don’t all say “gov’nor”. Bless you Brit, bless you.

Take it off the mat

Before moving to NYC I worked with an amazing dog trainer in LA for a little over a year. When I first called him I was at the end of my leash (pun intended!); I'd tried a number of techniques, a number of trainers all with no success. My pups are both young, boisterous boys, and they were beginning to show some pretty strong signs of aggression.

When I first called Matt, he was my last hope, I felt like I was a danger to my dogs; that in all likelihood, if things kept going the way they were, I would end up with either a legal battle after a bite, or worse, losing my young pup, Maverick.  On that very first phone call with The Zen Dog I was calmly told "you'll learn more about yourself in this process then you will about your dogs, this is a change you have to make".

If you're in LA you can find the amazing support of Matt and Brooklin and their fabulous team at The Zen Dog

A light bulb immediately went off. All these years of yoga practice, and several months of teacher training down, and I still figured that I could force a change in other creatures; that the problem was completely out of my control and the fault of my "aggressive" dogs. To be told so bluntly - it's not them it's you - was empowering. Suddenly I didn't have ill-behaved dogs that needed discipline, rather I was allowing the behaviour to continue and I needed to become Alpha. I didn't have to rely on tricks and treats and squirt guns to regain control (all tried with incredibly short-term success given how quick my smart boys worked out what was going on), rather I had to be confident in myself, find my strength and remain calm and composed.

The key to success: hard work, dedication and trusting the journey ... all the things I had been telling my students to do on their mat and yet I had trouble finding off the mat.

There were so many times I would feel defeated. That the task at hand was too much, too overwhelming to do alone. Luckily I had my gurus at the end of the phone to remind me how far I had already come, how well the pups were responding and how happy and calm they were becoming in the process.

So many moments stand out for me, moments when I lost my calm and the explosion of barking and growling that would follow, moments when I was stressed or emotional in the morning and I would come home to a torn up apartment and a very sorry looking boy in the corner, and moments when I remembered what was needed, I took my time and did my best and both pups responded in kind, by calming down and doing their best to follow their Alpha.

It is a work in progress, I still work daily on Maverick's leash aggression toward other dogs, and on Socks' incessant barking, but I have learnt so much and we have come so far as a mini pack. From having two dogs who couldn't really stand each other, and a young pup who attacked any person or dog who came near me or him, to having two healthy brothers - rough-housing but knowing when to stop, eager to play and well behaved in the off-leash parks, protective in the home but welcoming to all human guests when they see I invite them in.

I found strength in myself - the ability to be strong, be tough but not harsh or mean

I found calmness and patience - the ability to take a breath and pause, allowing my initially reaction to become a positive action

I found balance - to have time to curl up in a ball of fluff for snuggles, but to keep a healthy detachment at the dog park so the boys could be dogs, properly, and figure themselves out

Most of all, and something I never realized I was lacking, I found trust. Trust in my dogs, that they are happy and want this to work as much as I do. Trust in the process, I learnt that being committed to the journey was far more important than being attached to the outcome. Trust in myself, I learnt that I am strong enough and my best is good enough.
It was a break-through for me, to truly believe that sometimes you have to just close your eyes and trust - know that it will be a long journey, but it is worth it, and as I go I am constantly progressing and improving.

“There’s no value in digging shallow wells in a hundred places. Decide on one place and dig deep. Even if you encounter a rock, use dynamite and keep going down. If you leave that to dig another well, all the first effort is wasted and there is no proof you won’t hit rock again. (52)” ― Swami Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras

Or put another way: