2015 Intentions | January : Change

The start of a fresh year always encourages a sense of reflection and of goal setting for the future. Sadly, many people lose sight of their goals, they become frustrated with the time and patience needed to enact a change, and resolutions get washed out of our lives the way the holiday decorations are thrown by the curbside.

This month I, along with my wonderful students at ShambhalaYoga and Dance, Brooklyn, and Earth Yoga, NYC, are working on reinforcing the changes we wish to encourage into our lives, and approaching change in a more methodical and practical way.

Early January started with the simple intention of changing something physical on our mats. Simply remembering and reinforcing, that change, in fact, can be small and simple.

The little changes; re-firming a back foot in Warrior I, smoothing breath in Half Pigeon Pose, calming the mind in Camel pose, really can make the most dramatic differences. The challenge of changing an established pattern (Sankalpa) can be overwhelming, until we realize that the whole-scale change or goal we are striving for, does not have to happen overnight. If we take a step back to acknowledge how long the current Sankalpa has taken to embed itself, we must allow ourselves equally as long, if not longer, to gently change that behaviour and pattern. Compassion is key.

Our second week focused on changing our mindset to difficult pose. Throughout our practice there always will be asana that we loathe. The places that for physical, mental or emotional reasons make us feel so out of our depth and we fight them at every turn.

The Yoga Journal broke down 7 easy steps to turn around this mindset in this great article. 

My personal favourite step here is the idea of being open and playful with ourselves :

“Cultivate playfulness. Bringing curiosity, lightness, and self-acceptance into your practice can have a huge impact. Just as Baron Baptiste did with Garudasana, make peace with the poses that frustrate you rather than fighting to master them.”

As we learn to take ourselves less seriously, we learn to back off and experience the journey. In this space the true changes start to take place.

If we can start to change the voices in our head that tell us we cannot, should not, will not, than we can start to change everything. Those are our toughest demons to face.

Once we find some comfort with changing a physical pose, and our beliefs about a physical pose, we can begin to chip a little deeper under the surface.

This week we will look at how to change a personal belief. How do we define ourselves by what we have been telling ourselves over the years? Why do we hang so much of our ‘personality’ on the beliefs we have held?

Can we feel empowered to make change that is so deeply tied to our identity and self-worth? Can we understand that what has gone before does not matter, we are not bound by our history; rather, we form our own future.

Finally we will explore how we acknowledge and accept the changes that are happening in our lives that feel out of our control. Seeing change, whether it is instigated by ourselves or not, can always bring positive growth and progress.

If you want to make a change in your life, start by asking yourself the following:

• What do I want to change?
• Be clear, concise and reasonable
• Why do I want to make this change?
• What is your true motivation? Be honest. Is your motivation strong enough to help you when things are difficult and your patience is wearing thin? 
• Where am I today?
• Really look at your current state. Ask a friend for their honest opinion. Understanding how far you have to go will help you to build real expectations and mini-goals along the way.
• Am I tied to the goal?
• As we change, everything about us changes, physically, mentally and emotionally. Our goal may no longer be appropriate, are we okay letting go of that destination and enjoying the journey? Can we relax into the knowledge that just working toward something helps us grow and progress and that is enough?

Most importantly, know that the process has already begun. In simply thinking about and setting your intention to make a change, you have set the change in motion. Relax in that knowledge. It’s all already happening.

It's the final countdown...

Not really, I’m all done, but who doesn't love that earworm!

So – I survived!  And honestly … I feel amazing.

Results:

• *        More energy
• *        Brighter skin and eyes
• *        9lbs down
• *        More focused and calm
• *        Resting better
• *        Cleansed palette – food tastes better
• *        Weirder dreams!!

Coming off the juice but retaining a couple days officially in the cleanse really was a brilliant way of easing back into “regular” life. Having to still keep track has helped me manage what I’m eating on the other side of allowing my body to reset itself. I feel empowered to eat more consciously.

For me, I am planning to maintain a largely vegan and gluten free diet, however, I will not be 100% on either. I think it’s important to find what realistically works for each and every one of us, and I’m sorry but there’s nothing better to me than a pepperoni pizza and beer night!! 

Having said that, I have noticed that my days go smoother and I feel no bloatedness or sluggishness in the afternoons when I stick to the basic cleanse rules (i.e vegan, gluten free, no sugar, no caffeine, no alcohol and spacing food with at least 3 hrs between each snack or meal).

I've noticed my yoga asana practice has strengthened. I've taken a vigorous class every day and I’m finding not only additional strength in the postures, but also a greater awareness of myself, my breath and my body in each posture. Moving into postures I've taken hundreds of times before, I've found a new extension, depth or alignment, it has been rather profound. That is reason enough for me to keep working hard and being even more mindful of my body and health. It’s eye-opening, as someone who takes relatively good care of herself, how much else can be done to ensure a full and energized life.

Would I recommend the cleanse? Absolutely! It’s damn hard work but it’s really worth it, and 8 days later it seems like the blink of an eye. I’m actually keen to do another at the turn of summer into autumn.

The hardest part for me was the self-reflection. Taking the honest look at myself to see where my habits are, why they are there and where I tend to just be a little lazy with my own health.

If you’re willing to take a real look at what drives your habits, and to completely wipe the slate clean you have an amazing opportunity to lose weight, feel better, figure out your allergies (cleansing the system gives you a unique opportunity to slowly reintroduce food groups to see what impacts you) and, for nothing more, the great sense of accomplishment you get from saying “I did it”, “I have taken back control of my health”.

I'm tired of hearing about the next craze in dieting, the next pill that "... could be the magic ingredient that lets you lose weight without diet and exercise" (thank Dr Oz for that one). You know yourself better than anyone else - you don't need to be told what to do. What works for one doesn't work for all. Take responsibility for what you want out of life.

My golden rule is : If you're unhappy you have 2 choices - you can either make a change, or you can choose to be happy as you are. For as hard and as scary as change can seem, it is much more difficult to be happy when you're inherently not. Everything changes - take control of the change and steer it in the direction you want it to go.

The two year itch...

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. - Lao Tzu 

Since I was 18 I've not stayed in one spot longer than 2 years. I've lived in the North of England, the South of England, Colorado, Texas and California in under 10 years and last month I took the plunge again and drove across country to set up shop in New York City.

As I've found with everything, moving is challenging, stressful, emotional and the doorway to some of the most amazing adventures I've had.

Having moved so often has created a strange dichotomy; on the one hand I haven't laid any roots since I lived with my parents which leaves me feeling a little detached and vulnerable, on the other I've met more amazing, unique people than otherwise possible and have build strong, lasting relationships across two continents.

As I packed up my Honda Civic and prepared to tackle the 4 day trek with my dear friend Jason (just one of the many shining stars I met in Dallas), I came to realize that "home" truly is exactly what you make it. Everything I need, everything that keeps me laughing, sane, grounded and balanced can fit into 13 cu. ft.

Home, for me, is a safe environment full of hugs and puppy kisses. It's the space I can return to where I feel myself again. I can recharge my batteries and rest.

Moving, like letting go of anything, comes with a cost. The physical loss of seeing friends, teaching classes, enjoying the CA sun is hard. The simple truth is, everything worthwhile comes at a cost. "Letting go" opens up space for development, growth and experience. And, as the old saying goes, "the more things change, the more they stay the same". I have come to notice that as I physically move and build new routines and social circles, I become more acutely aware of the friends who remain with me - regardless of time zones, distance, time apart - they are my rocks, always available at the end of the phone, always ready to comfort me when I am lonely and celebrate my success.

Letting go is different for all of us. It comes at different times but it is always one of the hardest things we can do. Whether it is a home, a job, a friendship, a lost love or a perceived sense of self we have been clinging to; releasing our grip allows us the space to breath ... the exhale that teaches us, reassuringly, that the next inhale always comes. There will always be something greater on the other side when we truly let go. There will always be constants, our buoys in the choppy sea, keeping us afloat and guiding us to our next adventure.

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself"... at least so they say.

 Recently I've been talking to my students a lot about facing our fears, believing in ourselves and striving for success. It raised a question in my mind - why do we fear? or more accurately what do we fear? What changes as we grow and age that takes our natural positive energy and 'can do' attitude and turns us into pessimistic, fearful, introverts?

The answer is obvious right? Failure. We learn over the years the pain of failure, so we fear that feeling and begin to back off. But the more I dig into this in my life, I don't believe that is the case. The fear of failure is very easy to rationalize, we can safely say we will not try something because of all the things that could go wrong, all the things that may have gone wrong in the past, or we have seen others go through, however, there is a deeper desire in all of us that would quickly overcome that fear if that really was the root of our hesitation.

I believe the answer is a much harder one for us to face, it is an answer that raises so many other questions and commentary on our true selves that we shy away from it. We are not scared of failure, rather, we are scared of success.

Bare with me, I know you're thinking that that's just plain crazy, how could you be scared of getting exactly what you're looking for.... but this is where the questions start to crop up.

How do we know what we are truly looking for? What if we've got it wrong?
Over the years we have experienced our changing desires and dreams. What if this latest goal changes next week? What if we put so much work into something and then find that we change our minds again? As humans we are fickle, there are so many options open to us, so many distractions in our daily lives, it's hard to listen to our deepest desires and really know if they are ours. 
Underneath all the noise though, there is a quite knowledge that something is right. It may well change in the future, and that's okay, but right now, in this moment, it is the right thing for us, and we should strive toward that.

What happens when we reach our goal? What is left? Do we just stop? What if the success we have dreamed of isn't all it's cracked up to be?
I call this Boxing Day Syndrome and it is the one that rings most true to me. Boxing Day (the day after Christmas for my American lovelies not aware of our bizarre British naming conventions) has reportedly been named "the most boring day of the year". Remember the month of December as a child? All that expectation. Every day opening up your advent calendar (is that yet another British tradition?) and knowing that Santa is 1 day closer. Then it's here, the presents, the cartoons on the telly and too many sweets to even talk about, it is the best of best days. And the next day .... it's all done. BDS sets in. The idea of waiting another 364 days for that joy again is almost crippling. Boxing Day sucks.
Achieving our goals can feel so much like that.
I dreamt for years of moving overseas, my destination changed many times (sometimes depending on what movie I'd just seen, sometimes depending on who I had the latest crush on), but at my core I knew I wanted to travel. When I moved to the US in 2007 I hit a wall. I'd done it. But it didn't feel great. I felt homesick, work was hard and I didn't really know what I was working toward any more, what was the point? I felt like I was just ticking down the hours, paying the bills and I didn't know what was left to do.

What if we're successful and others are not?
That dirty feeling is hard to shift, especially when you are looking at people you love, your friends, your family. The hard truth is, you are not responsible for them. As much as we like to believe, as our ego tells us, that we are the central point in everyone else's life, that everyone revolves around us, we are only responsible for ourselves and our own journey. Others will take what they want in terms of inspiration, jealousy, support, but we do not control that.

What if our success takes us out of our current comfort zone? Who do we leave behind? What is waiting for us behind the door of success?
Success, by it's very nature, means we have to leave something behind. We transition, we grow, we learn and in that process we move on, if we're lucky the people we love most dearly grow with us and walk alongside us, but more often then not we have to leave people behind. It's terrifying. Letting go of what we know, walking into the dark...
This can only be answered with another question - if you were happy in your current space, would you even be looking, thinking, dreaming of anything else?

Take the leap.

The truth is, all these fears are real, rational, and can and probably will aspire to some degree, but the deeper truth is, that success doesn't mean we've reached the end of our journey. There really is no end, there is always another goal, another rung on the ladder that we're climbing. 

Life doesn't end when you achieve your goals, it just gets a little better and you strive to make it better still.

Just as in our asana practice, we continually strive to make each posture more complete, there is always somewhere else to go. There is always a muscle to engage, a bone to align, a breath to deepen. The same is true in life. You can strive to find the perfect relationship, land your perfect partner and still strive to make that relationship stronger, happier and more complete every day. You can find the job of your dreams and still work every day to do your best and shine in your role.

For me personally, I found yoga. Yoga taught me that my move to the US was just a chapter in my book. Once I realized that I found new passions, I found new hobbies and most importantly new goals. I've moved around physically and emotionally a lot, now I seek stability; I've moved around the corporate world, now I start my journey into the healing arts and I have found a burning desire to, and with it a knack at, bringing this to others. Now I have re-discovered that feeling that my life has only just begun, that I have so much to experience, to learn and to try, I feel more clueless today then ever and it's the greatest feeling, to approach life in the knowledge that you really know nothing but it's all there for the taking.

Let go of the goals and start to enjoy the journey, remembering we are only truly alive when we are moving, learning, growing.

It is okay to be successful, let go of the ego that tells you "no", push to be the absolute best that you possibly can be, the perfect expression of you, and enjoy the feeling when you achieve that. Live for those moments, when you scale a peak and look down at how far you've come and celebrate; let your success shine, let your heart fill with joy, and be an inspiration to everyone you meet. Then, take a deep breath, steady yourself, and look up, for there are far more peaks to climb.

Just one thing

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard in class "spread your fingers wide, it will remove the pressure from your wrists". I know it's true, I've been trying it for the last 4 years. I even say it repeatedly when I teach my friends: "spread them like starfish" seems to be on repeat these days. Today, the amazing mini Milena said something a little different. "Spread your fingers wide", yeh yeh yeh heard it, "and press into the pads of your fingers", huh?! Press into the pads of my fingers? That's new! So I tried it. Suddenly the muscles in my arms engaged, my thighs engaged, even my core. (And yep, the weight really did come out of my wrists).

Such a small change impacted so much, it relieved pressure, brought integrity to my posture, and my muscles started working smart (rather than just hard). It got me thinking how those small changes really make a huge difference.

I used to be a classic yo-yo dieter. I would go on huge health kicks, losing a ton of weight, then slip back into bad habits and pile it all back on. Over the last few years I've taken a more gentle approach with myself, slowly introducing a regular work out routine, led to me eventually practicing an hour of yoga and a little cardio a day. Then, without even realizing it, I found myself shying away from fast foods and sweets and enjoying fruit as a snack. My body started to tell me that caffeine is just not a friend of mine. It makes me anxious and unhappy. I even stopped drinking pop (which I was pretty much addicted to) and started to enjoy komboucha .... seriously, fermented tea, are you kidding me?!

I think the small changes allow you to really feel what's going on, whether it's physical, mental or emotional. They don't give you quick, dramatic results but they're so easy to make that you stick with them and form habits. Habits that can filter out into so many areas of your life that overtime you find yourself happier and healthier. The change is so gentle there's not shock to the system and your body and mind can really tell you what it needs rather than blindly following someone's orders to eat nothing but bacon and watermelon or sit in a sweatbox until you pass out (if you didn't catch it in 2010 three people died trying to follow someone else's path to enlightenment and not listening to their intuition http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37626688/ns/dateline_nbc/t/deadly-retreat/)

Am I going to eat nothing but green beans and tofu, ummm no, clearly you've not been reading my blog, but have I dramatically improved my diet - yes -and I feel better every day (and more able to make further small changes). Did I, in one yoga class, perfect my chataranga? Nope, that's gonna take me a whiles yet, but I felt something very significant change with the slightest movement, and now I've felt it I can go back to that point and work from there each time I practice, engaging my core more, strengthening more and protecting more, eventually I will have that beautiful low plank ... you'll all hear about it when I get there!

Make a small change, whether it's diet and exercise, relaxing with a past time you've always wanted to enjoy or removing a little of the drama from your life. Take a time check of where you're at right now, and revisit in a few months. You'll be surprised of the changes that have occurred.