Just Go With It

It's been a while and a lot has been happening, lots of change in every aspect of my life (and it seems in those around me).

I found out 2 weeks ago that I was being laid off at work. Something a lot of people have had to deal with over the last few years with all the economic struggles the western world has been facing. For me, this was the first time in 12 years that I didn't have security that a pay cheque would be coming in. It's quite a strange feeling to know that everything will change and there's nothing I can do about it: "trying harder" wasn't going to change the outcome of my circumstances, I am going to lose my job...

There's something to be said for intuition, I knew that it was going to happen before it did, I guess my boss must have been giving off that vibe that day! The most surprising thing was the way the whole event affected me. I'll admit it, I had a little cry when I first heard the news. Being laid off really makes you feel like you've been fired, that you've done something wrong, that someone doesn't like you or that you haven't done your best. Despite all their reassurances that it was nothing I did, those thoughts all went through my mind. However, after calming down and talking to the best parents in the world, I started to realize that everything really does happen for a reason.

Usually I hate that phrase, people seem to use it as an excuse not to try: at the end of relationships, when they are too lazy or too scared to follow their dreams, when they won't take responsibility for something they've messed up or for someone they've hurt. This time it was a really empowering feeling. I really felt, whilst it's scary, it's really going to push me into a new chapter in my life. I was bored at my job, it wasn't by any stretch of the imagination busy or interesting enough for me, but it was easy and paid well so I never really questioned it, now I'm forced to look and I'm looking for places that really appeal to me. It also came just a few days after completing my yoga teacher training - right at the time that I wanted to focus more and more on my yoga I'm able to look for a position that will give me that flexibility.

At the end of 2011 I'd ask for changes throughout my life, I thought the big one was going to be just taking my yoga TT ... it turns out the universe has got a lot more in store for me, and by accepting that and breathing through it I know I'll end up in a stronger, happier place. Be careful what you wish for my friends, but when you ask for it don't lose faith, just go with it.

Take some alone time

Ever since I started yoga I've felt "naughty" for not having a regular meditation practice. I felt guilty for not sitting in a dark room chanting every morning.
The more I read, the more I realise how important meditation is, but also how many different ways there are to meditate. Meditation gives us time to reflect, it can be a little scary being completely honest but without that there's no way to unravel all the nonesense and to truly hear out intuition over all the noise of modern life.

Here are some of my favourite ways to find a little solitude and self-reflection:

• Go for a drive: perfect for everyday (no need to worry about a little rain) don't see the backup on the 405 as a reason to stress, take a deep breath, put on some calming tunes and quiet your mind... Just don't drift off too much, I don't want to see your insurance bill
• Go for a walk: there's nothing better for me than 30 mins a day with my pups and the open air. The more regularly I go, the more I resist the temptation to call and chat with friends, the better I feel by the end of it.
• Take a bath: warm bubbles, candles - who says you need someone else to be romantic, take time to learn to love yourself, it will shine from every pore and you'll smell pretty great too
• Workout: use your swim, run, weights or asana practice as a moving meditation. Make sure, however you work up a sweat, that you take at least 5 mins after to sit or lie quietly and tune out. We all know working out oxygenates the blood and releases endorphins, what better way to self-reflect than when you're feeling alive and awesome?!
• Take a meditation class: most yoga studios offer groups or classes, if you can't find one that works check out the sessions on yogaglo.com and let someone guide you to your zen space.
• Go to bed 30 mins earlier and turn off the voices: I can lie awake for hours running over things that happened throughout the day, things I wish I'd done in the past or my dreams for the future - it's engaging and entertaining but it's also exhausting and unreal. There's a time for daydreaming and there's a time for quiet. Take your pre-sleep time and just be quiet, focus on your breathe and be present, you can't change anything that went before and you can't see what's coming next so stop worrying about it and let your ego go for a while. Not only will you drift off into a better sleep, but you'll find you slowly bring the ability to breathe and be present into your waking hours too.

Now go and get your om on! Namaste

Just one thing

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard in class "spread your fingers wide, it will remove the pressure from your wrists". I know it's true, I've been trying it for the last 4 years. I even say it repeatedly when I teach my friends: "spread them like starfish" seems to be on repeat these days. Today, the amazing mini Milena said something a little different. "Spread your fingers wide", yeh yeh yeh heard it, "and press into the pads of your fingers", huh?! Press into the pads of my fingers? That's new! So I tried it. Suddenly the muscles in my arms engaged, my thighs engaged, even my core. (And yep, the weight really did come out of my wrists).

Such a small change impacted so much, it relieved pressure, brought integrity to my posture, and my muscles started working smart (rather than just hard). It got me thinking how those small changes really make a huge difference.

I used to be a classic yo-yo dieter. I would go on huge health kicks, losing a ton of weight, then slip back into bad habits and pile it all back on. Over the last few years I've taken a more gentle approach with myself, slowly introducing a regular work out routine, led to me eventually practicing an hour of yoga and a little cardio a day. Then, without even realizing it, I found myself shying away from fast foods and sweets and enjoying fruit as a snack. My body started to tell me that caffeine is just not a friend of mine. It makes me anxious and unhappy. I even stopped drinking pop (which I was pretty much addicted to) and started to enjoy komboucha .... seriously, fermented tea, are you kidding me?!

I think the small changes allow you to really feel what's going on, whether it's physical, mental or emotional. They don't give you quick, dramatic results but they're so easy to make that you stick with them and form habits. Habits that can filter out into so many areas of your life that overtime you find yourself happier and healthier. The change is so gentle there's not shock to the system and your body and mind can really tell you what it needs rather than blindly following someone's orders to eat nothing but bacon and watermelon or sit in a sweatbox until you pass out (if you didn't catch it in 2010 three people died trying to follow someone else's path to enlightenment and not listening to their intuition http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37626688/ns/dateline_nbc/t/deadly-retreat/)

Am I going to eat nothing but green beans and tofu, ummm no, clearly you've not been reading my blog, but have I dramatically improved my diet - yes -and I feel better every day (and more able to make further small changes). Did I, in one yoga class, perfect my chataranga? Nope, that's gonna take me a whiles yet, but I felt something very significant change with the slightest movement, and now I've felt it I can go back to that point and work from there each time I practice, engaging my core more, strengthening more and protecting more, eventually I will have that beautiful low plank ... you'll all hear about it when I get there!

Make a small change, whether it's diet and exercise, relaxing with a past time you've always wanted to enjoy or removing a little of the drama from your life. Take a time check of where you're at right now, and revisit in a few months. You'll be surprised of the changes that have occurred.

Credit where credit's due

Ever feel like we're all way too hard on ourselves? I do. I think it's high time we take a little break from trying to live up to impossible expectations and acknowledge just how fabulous we all are.

I know there are some really amazing people out there, those heroes who stand out from the crowd - soldiers, firemen, doctors, policemen to name just a few, and I give them full credit, respect and love for everything they do for us. However, there's a little something amazing in every one of us and it's important from time to time to give credit where credit's due and it's okay to feel good about the love you bring into the world.

Take some time today to sit back and recognize all the great things you've done, all the times you've made someone else smile.

Struggling for ideas? Well, firstly, stop being that person - there are enough people in the world who are going to put you down or hold you back, you need to be your own biggest fan, start right now! Take a breath and look around you. Is there a little puppy or kitten looking up at you with big thankful eyes because you saved their life when you adopted them and gave them a loving home? Did you take an extra minute on your last shopping trip to offer a smile, a kind word or some food for the homeless guy that so many people just blanked and walked straight past? Perhaps you donated some money or time to your favourite charity, that is right now working miracles for those in need. Maybe you took an extra minute, even though you were exhausted, to read that extra bedtime story to your little one.

Are you starting to see my point?

There are so many ways in which your love and light change the world, be thankful that you have the opportunity to spread happiness, and recognize how much you do to make others happy. You're amazing! Now go celebrate and treat yourself big today.

My Om is better than your Om

"Is the healing you do physical as well as everything else?"

"the three dimensions, are but one. and that, we are. so most definitely. yet the right answer to that question is however its best received by a specific audience in linear time. ya know what I mean?"

a-sphincter-say-what?!
This is an actual exert from a conversation I had with a friend of mine not too long ago. Now, as a disclaimer, I really like this guy, he's always been very sweet to me, but this was a perfect example of that occasion you try to turn to someone for help and they make you feel so confused and ridiculous that you just back off.

We've all met them right? That guy or gal who thinks they're just so much more zen then you. They look at you with those pitying eyes when you explain you're really enjoying your yoga practice and say something banal like "oh my dear, what you're doing is just an asana practice, true yoga runs so much deeper...".

Don't get me wrong, I know there's a whole lot more to this yoga lark than just a physical practice and I actively work every day to incorporate yoga into all aspects of my life (believe me - it ain't always easy living in LA in 2012, so it's definitely a "practice"). Nonetheless, I try to keep my spiritual and lifestyle opinions to myself unless I am directly asked. Okay okay - that's not strictly true - my ever patient boyfriend and my closest friends do have to put up with me offering my advice whenever I see fit, but that's what they're there for right?! (I'm sure they all gave a big sigh of relief when I finally joined my Teacher Training group and found like-minded yogis who were happy to chat with me all day about doshas and the best asana for a head cold ;)) In general though, I try to honour other people's space and journey, if someone chats to me about it I am really happy to talk and share my personal experiences, suggest books to read, places to visit etc, but I try to respect where they are and what they are looking for, rather than try to push where I believe someone should be.

When I first started yoga I really wasn't looking for anything other than a new style of work out. For me that's all I thought I needed. I was lucky to have a friend that introduced me to yoga and pushed nothing, she was obviously happy, healthy and content and could see that yoga would eventually get me to that stage too, but she did nothing more than suggest I take a class, the rest was up to me. The CorePower Yoga studio suited me perfectly. It looked and felt like a gym - clean, bright and modern - and the teacher didn't try to tell me to "drop into a meditative state", instead he told me to breathe and push it during the core series. The mental and emotional benefits took time for me and I was glad to be able to do this at my own pace. When I approached my friend or one of the teachers about why I felt overwhelmed during half-pigeon they were there to talk to me and help me and they never made me feel anything but secure and safe.

Sadly, that can't be said about everyone I've come across. I've been told on numerous occasions that if I were a true yogi I would be vegan, or that I wouldn't touch alcohol, I've even been told that I couldn't possibly expect to have any sort of spiritual understanding unless I meditate for at least 2-3 hours a day. Well, bugger that! I enjoy cheese pizza and beer far too much and, whilst I'd love to have the time for a regular meditation practice, I also have a full time job and friends, a work-out routine, a puppy and a relationship.

So, here's my advice (whether you asked for it or not :)), you are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you want to know more about yoga then ask someone you trust and love and don't listen to the oh-so-perfect yogis who make you feel like you're at the bottom of the totem pole. More than likely your own yoga practice is actually much clearer and more honest. Think about it this way, if you're really happy with your relationship do you feel the need to shout about it and tell other people how happy you are and how they could possibly achieve such a great boyfriend or girlfriend too? No, more than likely you're so happy you don't have time to preach to others. The same goes for yoga, if you feel someone is judging you for not being as "perfect" as them, just brush it off, they're fighting their own demons. That guy sitting in the lotus position, eyes closed, smiling wryly and shaking his head at your "naive" question about the meaning of Om has much more to deal with than he probably realizes. Walk away and find someone who can really help you.

And to this end, keeping a sense of your own intuition keeps you safe, trust yourself and you will avoid these awkward situations, and importantly those groups or individuals who prey on the open hearts and minds of yogis (unfortunately there are some not so great people out there). Listen to your gut, if something feels off it usually is. And if you're not sure what it's telling you, talk to someone you've trusted for a long time, or someone within a known and respected studio.

Don't ever be made to feel that you're silly for asking a question or that you could never be a "true" yogi because you like to watch Glee and eat a gallon of ice cream on a Tuesday night. Being a yogi is about being the best you that you can possibly be, yoga recognizes any path to an open heart and joyous spirit and it is non-judgmental. Hell, if Robert Downey Jr can be a yogi after all his mischief there's hope for us all!

And if you ever feel hurt or embarrassed by someone's reaction - try to remember this and I guarantee you'll giggle every time.

Testy test-outs

What a weekend!!
Friday started with our CPR Heartsaver class (that brought back some memories after 18months with the AHA!), and a panic over the upcoming written test. Then Saturday was such a high: really amazing "Friends and Family" class where we all taught a couple of postures, followed by the written which was way easier than expected. Then today our final test out. The sheer highs of the weekend, along with the nerves and excitement was overwhelming. It's a crazy feeling to know I've completed something I've poured my heart and soul into for the last 8 weeks.

So what have I learnt?
Firstly - I feel more at home teaching a class and working with people's energy than I have been doing anything else before :) Most importantly, I learnt that my own self-judgments often hold me back. At the start of the course I was worried that people were laughing or gossiping about me. In the past that would have lead to me backing off and not performing to my best, for the first time it actually spurred me to work harder. I needed to prove to myself that I had tried my absolute best whatever the outcome, and I needed to step out of my own judgments. Its true that more often than not the judgements we feel others are passing are our own insecurities and ego screaming at us.
And, although there have been so many lessons over the last 8 weeks, with all the emotions this weekend it seems pertinent to note that I learnt it's okay to be emotional and it's okay to ask for help. I have often tried to hide my true feelings, I suppose I've worried that I'll be seen as weak or that I'll be adding to someone else's troubles. This weekend, particularly tonight, I realised that sometimes you need to be completely honest about what you are feeling and why. Only by doing that was I able to get over it and move on. It's perfectly okay to cry and let everything out, it helps us clear our hearts for the positive emotions we aim to embrace.

Yoga encourages us to do this by physically opening our hips and hearts and preparing us for the mental and emotional release (I bet I'm not the only one to have cried in half pigeon or wanted to scream in camel), but we need to be ready for that next layer. It you feel overwhelmed remember that emotions don't last forever. If you're feeling hurt then cry, scream, shout, then let it go. Don't carry it around with you allowing it to cloud your every decision and action. If it's an option, talk to the people who have hurt you - but be honest, with them and with yourselves (this is how I feel... But I realise I am over stressed / anxious etc). Remember that those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind (thanks Dr Suess for that one!). If that's not an option just let it go, what's the point of holding on to events you can't change, let it go and do what makes you happy, whether that's following your dream to become a yoga teacher or snuggling with you pup on a Sunday night watching Mannequin .... Which is exactly what I'm gonna do right now!

Namaste b*****s ;)

Wasted Energy

You've heard that phrase "well that was complete waste of energy" right?

I used it today and I realized just how negative that is. It's so indicative of how we view the world around us. We're always expecting a certain result from our actions and if we don't realize these goals we feel that we've wasted our time and energy.

A few weeks ago I was working on a little project with my friends. We were going to get together and film and post some sketches. A few of us had really invested a lot of time and energy and things just sort of fell flat. Every time I would try to get people rallied to work together it was met with clashes of schedules, lack of interest and a general lethargy around the project. I let it drop too and quickly filled up my time with other things (teacher training for the most part) and hadn't really thought about it much until earlier today when I was walking my puppy and a song came on Pandora that sparked the memory.

My immediate reaction was to become irritated. Why did I waste so much of my time if no one else cared? I could have been doing lots of other things. Why am I the only person who can keep a commitment? It really pissed me off and I was feeling completely hard done by. But then I got to thinking... I had fun working on the project with my friends, I enjoyed being creative, we hung out, laughed, and enjoyed each other's company. Can I really call that a waste?

I get so attached to the end result that I forgot sometimes how much fun the journey is. Would it have been great to see things through to fruition? Absolutely! But does that mean I completely wasted my energy? I don't think so. I guess it showed me, if you're doing things for the right reason, whether that's to develop your own skills, to have fun, to benefit others or something else entirely, then you're using your time and energy in a positive way and that's all you should hope for. It reminded me to enjoy the process and action above and beyond the goal.

I'm not suggesting we all stop trying to reach our goals deliberately - that would just make us stagnant and depressed. But enjoy the present, enjoy the time you spend doing things, the time you spend with your friends and family along the way, or the things you learn individually. And remember, as soon as you've achieved that goal, it's not the end, it's just a step further in life and it's time to start something new. This weekend I complete my 200hr training and I'm both excited and terrified. The last 8 weeks have been really life changing and I've enjoyed the growth, the friendships I've formed and the deepening of my yoga practice. The idea that next weekend I won't be meeting up on Fri, Sat and Sun with my classmates is really quite unnerving. Achieving a goal can be unsettling at times. Luckily for me this is just the start to a much longer journey and I'm already planning next steps...

Remember to love every minute of life. Realization of your dreams is wonderful but it's a very short lived high, like massacring that bar of chocolate you've been thinking about all week, and it can feel like a big crash after it. Don't spend your life rushing from one goal to another without enjoying the path on the way there. And don't freak out when you achieve your goals, enjoy the celebration and then get right on into your next journey. Keep growing, keep learning and keep laughing.

Stop drinking the poison

I recently read an amazing quote from Nelson Mandela "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies".

Last year I went through an upset with someone I considered a dear friend, the whole episode left me very hurt and confused. Whilst the friendship will never be rebuilt, it was possible for me to forgive this person, I was able to see everything they were going through and how things could have been misconstrued. However, what truly hurt were the actions of others who jumped into the drama both feet and stirred everything up to boiling point. Every time I think of the episode I would get that sick feeling in my stomach that I had been wronged and something should be said. I would brood over Facebook posts (come on we've all done it), write and delete texts and emails and bitch endlessly about it to my friends going over and over how much I'd been hurt and how unfair it was. As girls we're all a little trained by shows like Sex In The City and Cosmo magazine, that the basis of any good friendship is the ability to get together over drinks and have a good old bitch session.

Don't get me wrong, I think the actions of the ... hmm what's a good word for sh*t-stirrer?! (sorry mum!)... was really unacceptable, however, my reaction to it caused me more heartache and sleepless nights then necessary.

It took me a while to realize but every time I wasted my energy on these negative emotions, the only person I was hurting was myself. Everyone else involved was getting on with their lives, enjoying themselves and I didn't even cross their minds.

I've come to take Mandela's quote truly to heart. If someone hurts me I try to run through a series of questions that always help calm my heart. Firstly, was it intentional? If not, can I empathize with what they are going through and offer forgiveness right off the bat? Secondly, do they realize they've hurt me? If not, would it help to clear things if I tell them or will it just stir up more problems? If they do, have they already apologized? I'm guilty of punishing people repeatedly for mistakes they've made even after they have asked for my forgiveness. It's easy to do, in an effort to protect ourselves we assume the worse, that someone will repeatedly hurt you if they have done it once, but this belief really constricts our relationships. It's important you do not take forgiveness lightly, if you offer it - it should be complete, not just until the next time you have a bad day comes around.

It's all a lot easier said than done but if we learn to accept emotions for all they are, waves of feelings, we are able to let go of them much more quickly. If you acknowledge the fact that someone has hurt you, and all the feelings that come with that - anger, hurt, embarrassment - you can drop them almost as quickly as they arise and go back to being happy and content.

If someone has hurt you beyond repair, accept that and move on.

If you're struggling with finding forgiveness, or accepting the feelings that surround it, try making a few small adjustments to your routine. Rather than sit down and bitch about the incident with your friends, take a step back and talk to them about what's making you happy right now. It's amazing how quickly you can find something positive to fill your life with.

If you're fighting your feelings, sit down and accept them, be sad, be angry and forgive yourself as much as you forgive others - we put so much pressure on ourselves to be pillars of strength we are angry if anyone hurts us, it's okay to let people in and it's okay to admit when someone hurts you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to let someone back into your life, but it does mean that you let go of the resentment you're holding on to and move on. The quicker you move on, the happier you'll be.

It's okay to be a little selfish...

If you're anything like me, you always try to help those in need. It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling and it really is part and parcel of being a yogi - sending that love out to everyone. But before you start polishing your halo it's important to ask yourself whether you're helping others because it feels right or just because you feel you "should" ... if, from time to time, it's the latter, this might be a good opportunity to ask yourself why.

I always try to go out of my way for other people when they need my help, and I welcome anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on. However, I am learning that sometimes, it's okay to be a little selfish too, in fact, sometimes it is important to look after myself first and not spread myself too thinly in my attempts to be the Good Samaritan. It's like they say when you take-off "If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person." You can't help others if you are not functioning at 100%, you can end up doing more damage than good - to yourself and to the people around you.

Far too often I've tried to take on much more than I can reasonable cope with, trying to help everyone who asks for it, or I deem needs it, and in turn ending up dropping the ball on all sides and leaving everyone stranded.

So, with that in mind, here are a few tips for loving smart, not just hard:

• Watch out for drainers: It's hard to admit when you are trying to find the good in everyone, that the world is full of drama-queens. We've all met them. It might be the girl you meet in the bathroom crying because her boyfriend ran 10 minutes late and didn't apologize properly, or perhaps your work mate who is close to nervous break-down every day because he's "so stressed", or even your good friend who always seems to get their own way because they've had "such a bad day". You kowtow to their every need and demand but you get that nagging feeling that something isn't right and each episode with these people leaves you feeling emotionally drained. Next time you get that feeling I invite you to listen to your intuition. Is the emotional outburst from a stranger really something you need to get involved in? Perhaps a smile is enough and you don't need to spend the next 30 minutes consoling someone and neglecting the friends you were there for. Rather than spend time gossiping about the state of the company you work in, maybe you could suggest your colleague tries a different approach to his work or speaks to his manager? Next time you make plans and your friend cancels, how about you stick to them and invite other people? You might be surprised how quickly your BFF cheers up and joins you when they're no longer centre of attention.Who really needs your help? I've noticed it's easier to help those who shout loudest, but in the process I sometimes overlook those who are really in need of my TLC. Look at what's happening around you, is there someone who's withdrawing a little? Are you spending so much time tending to the drama that you're missing the real issues? Are you so drained from all your "good deeds" that you take things out on the people closest to you? And most importantly, are you so involved in the drama around you that you're ignoring the areas of your own life that need your attention and care?
• Does the latest charity case you're investing in really want your help? This is a tough one, because it means accepting most of us have a little of the busybody in us. Sometimes your way is not the best way. Just because you think you can help someone does not always mean they want your help. Everyone has to live their own path. Be honest with yourself. If someone is really responding badly to your help perhaps you're being too intrusive, perhaps they're not in a place to accept it or perhaps they just don't need it. Now I'm not suggesting you turn a blind eye when someone is truly hurting themselves, however, that needs to be the question. Is this person really in danger or in pain or do I just feel I could do it better? Remember, nobody likes a know-it-all, just because being vegan makes you feel great, doesn't mean it's going to help your buddy lose 10lbs, and perhaps they don't want to. Take your personal judgement out when you are trying to help people. This ties into my next tip:
• Listen: Listen to what you're being told and not told. Don't make assumptions, don't judge and don't force your views on other people. Often when we look for help we really just need someone to listen to us and to truly hear us. I'm guilty of offering my advice where it's not wanted. Looking back, I can see that more often than not, I needed to feel better about myself, and it helped to hear my own voice offer advice. I've come to realize, that often people don't want your advice, they just need an ear and it's okay if they muddle through things in their own way as long as they have you by their side as a confidante.
• Are they helping themselves? When I was feeling sorry for myself my dad always used to say to me "Poor little sparrow, poor little thing, got no feather, got no wing .... shoot the useless b**tard". Okay okay he was doing it very tongue in cheek and it still makes me giggle to this day (which was exactly what I needed) but it makes a very good point, if someone's life truly is that tragic are you really going to be able to help them? Some people cry wolf. I'm not saying there is not a lot of deep and dark stuff out there, rather that you need to keep your wits about you. If someone really wants your help, they will also be looking to help themselves. They are looking for an emotional leg up, not to live life vicariously through you, nor to drag you down as well. Some people need tough love, you don't have to be a bitch about it, but you do need to nip it in the bud quickly.
• Charity starts at home: We've all heard this old phrase, but what does it really mean? To me it means I need to ensure a balance in my life. It's okay for me to call a friend back so I can make my yoga class, rather than sit on the phone for hours and miss out. It's okay for me to take time to sleep well, eat well and be happy even if my friend is not. Protecting yourself gives you the energy and ability to truly love and support those around you.

And finally...

• Ask for help: Just because you're the shoulder to cry on for so many people, doesn't mean that you don't have moments when you need some extra love yourself. It's okay to ask for help, in fact, it often builds stronger, more honest and true relationships when you can admit your flaws and allow your friends to support you. It gives them those same warm fuzzies that we love so much, it's okay to share those from time to time :)

My path

In the Spring of 2009 I was overweight, unfit, stressed at work and miserable. My friends and I, all feeling the same levels of stress and unhappiness at work, decided to take a "biggest loser" challenge with each other. After a couple of weeks it was pretty obvious I wasn't doing well, I couldn't stick to the diet and I wasn't enjoying the gym.

My dear friend Magda (when you think of the perfect yogini you think of Magda: slim, blonde, radiant, dedicated and always ready with an inspiration quote and kind word - the kind of girl I've always looked up to) suggested I change things up and join her in a yoga class. The idea positively terrified me - what would a girl like me do in a class full of peace-loving, tofu-eating size 0s who can twist themselves into a pretzel?! They would shun me? I'd feel completely out of place! Nonetheless, I gave her my word I would "at least try" and, if nothing else, I'm a woman of my word...

I turned up at the Corepower Boulder South studio armed with my borrowed mat, bottle of water and all my judgments and ... I was completely surprised. The studio definitely had it's share of gorgeous slender women in skimpy bright outfits, but, rather than feeling they were giggling at me, I felt welcomed. Now, don't get me wrong, I've come across plenty of "holier than thou" yoga students in my time, we'll talk about that another time. From the staff behind the front desk, to the girls chatting in the locker room, everyone smiled warmly and continued about their business, they didn't point and laugh, or question why someone like me would be in their sacred space.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the large mirrored studio, sat myself at the back of the room and waited for class to begin. The class was challenging, but broken down in simple terms, and a real workout. I left feeling stretched, sweaty and buzzed. That week I returned 4 times, between you, me and the internet, it didn't hurt that the teacher was super cute!!
Over my next few months I signed up on the monthly plan and took up a regular practice. The weight seemed to drop off me (boy did it need to!), my fitness and flexibility increased and my stress levels dropped. It was hard to deny that this yoga stuff really did work.

Unfortunately, I was relocated with my job down to Dallas and all my good work went out the window. I started well and found a great studio in Uptown that I loved. However, as I started to travel, and the pressure from my boss mounted up, and I started to find excuse after excuse for not practicing. By the end of 2010 things came to a head, my health, relationship and happiness were broken, I had no grounding and no peace and I was, to be frank, turning into a bit of a bitch. I'm a true believer that the universe offers you what you need, and after some pretty major shake ups I sat up and started to listen. Life was screaming at me to make a change, make a change now before I truly lose myself in the daily crap that I was burying myself under.

It was tough but little by little I made some changes. Firstly, I found a new studio in North Dallas and I got back into my practice, slowly but surely I started to feel better about myself and I was able to reassess my priorities and choices. Within a few months an opportunity to move back West to LA arose.

I quit the long hours and low pay and humidity and moved to the city where a Size 2 is considered fat. Now I'd got a few things in check it was time to sort out my lifestyle. That's pretty much where you meet me...

I found Corepower here in LA and picked up a couple of hours a week. It didn't take long to realize that the time spent in the studio was giving me a sense of happiness and confidence that I so desperately needed. Over the next couple of months I really cleaned out my life, I started with the emotional baggage and cut some of the crap and drama out that I'd been clinging too, and in February this year I made the leap into teaching yoga.

My hope is that I can inspire others the way my yoga teachers and practice inspires me on a daily basis, to be the best person I can be, to be happy, healthy and positive.
I'm not your typical "skinny mini" in a bra top and short shorts, but I'm working on it. It's a challenge to get up off the couch to go to the studio, and it's hard not to pick up the phone and order a pizza every night, but it's one that I know is worth it. The way I feel after class, the way my body is changing and my mind and emotions are responding is amazing.

This is my story...